Activation Day!

Well, October went by in a blur and here we are at November 1st! The day we said to put us on the 'list'! I can't believe we are finally here! Now, it's just a matter of time and waiting for the special call. Clint and I are pretty patient and if it takes awhile, it takes awhile. God has his plan and his special timing. Everyone around us seems to be standing on their heads though :) As I've said before, we've got many years to be parents.

I finally had the courage to talk with my employer a few weeks ago about once we get the call, that's the end for me. He took it well and was understanding. Such a relief. That, and I am so happy that we don't have to worry about daycare, etc. now. I have one big project that I am working on, but if we get the call and I am not done, I don't mind coming in the evenings/weekend to wrap it up. Everything seems to be falling into place.

Our trip to Aruba was wonderful! I need to do a post just on our vacation! We took so many pictures. It is an absolutely beautiful island!

We got to babysit a precious little baby girl last Thursday and will get to keep her this coming weekend as her foster family goes out of town so we are looking forward to that. I am anxious to get to know the local foster families better as I know I will definitely be leaning on them for support! I think Buckner has a pretty great group though! Which is good, because we have had NO success (other than one other future foster family, thank you Mikki!) in finding anyone willing to babysit for us (we have to put together a list). Not that we plan to go out on the town every night, but I know there will be times where we need 'us' time. I miss my best friends who unfortunately don't live here. I miss having people who would do anything for you and who I would do anything for in return. I don't have any close connections like that here in Longview and I just don't get to see my friends near enough. It's frustrating and what had me close to moving before Clint came along. Anyway, I did not mean to go off on that tangent, but it's just really weighing on my mind (especially after getting a call from my best friend who is really going through a difficult time and I hate that we are so far apart). And who knows, perhaps people aren't willing to be listed as a babysitter because they are scared of foster kids or think that having a backround check is too invasive or don't want to have to come to our house to babysit. We were the ones willing to take on the hoops, others may not, nor should they be obligated to do so.

So, here we are in November, patiently waiting :) Who knows, perhaps we'll have an extra guest (or two) at the Christmas table.

Starting to become REAL

We received THIS on Tuesday:

Our license for foster care! If we wanted to, we could get a call today! But we won't because we requested to be activated on November 1st so that we can get through our vacation, etc.

It seemed like such a long journey to get to this point and at times didn't seem like we would ever really get to here, but we made it! Of course, our work is not done...and never will be as long as we are fostering. I discovered that our home will be inspected every quarter unless we have children in our home and then it will be every month. Of course, then there's the 20 hours of annual training as well. But we'll bask in the time-being that we made it to this milestone and the fact that Buckner deems us worthy of such an important role.

I'm starting to have some panic moments. Originally, we were counting on one child, with two being the exception. However, we were told that with being open to two, that this was huge, so now we know that two is more likely and one will be the exception. TWO? Can I handle two?? Heck, can I handle one? I'm realizing how little I know. I've been trying to read and read, but the stack just gets taller rather than smaller. We have to come up with a daily schedule for their week. I don't know what we are going to do from day to day!

We don't have anything! No sippy cups, bottles, clothes...hard to buy stuff when you don't know what you are getting! Yes, we will get these things once they are here, but I am overwhelmed with all of the THINGS we will need to get.

I read a blog of someone talking about how her mom leaving after being there for 10 days to help out with the newborn baby. I'm not going to have that! I'm going to be all alone, left to care for children I know nothing about!

Don't get me wrong, I am so so excited, but for some reason getting that piece of paper handed to me put the 'scary' in overdrive for me.

A New Toy!

I've been waiting and waiting until I could purchase this:

A DSLR camera!! Obviously this picture was NOT taken with the new camera. I am always so envious of just about everyone elses pictures. Of course, like with bike riding, just because one buys a fancy bike, does not make them a great cyclist...so goes for photography as well. And I admit to being totally clueless about photography. Just taking the camera out of the box was scary, like holding a newborn baby that you are terrified of dropping! And all those knobs and buttons? Eeeks! Where's the 'on' button?

I'm determined though! We will have pictures of our lives! Being able to get the camera now comes at the perfect time because we will have to put together lifebooks for any foster children that we take in to our home. I want these kids to have good pictures because they may be the only ones they get from childhood!

In addition to reading the owner's manual, I'll be starting off with a beginner photography class through the parks and rec. department, which starts next Tuesday. I hope it will be a good place to get my feet wet, ask questions, and learn about other resources for additional learning. What I'm already reading/hearing so far is that really, it just comes with practice and to do that, you have to take LOTS of pictures. I'll have to take lessons from Clint in that department. I'll carry our little point and shoot everywhere and not take a single picture. If Clint gets a hold of the camera, you'd think his finger would get a cramp with all the pictures he takes. On our honeymoon, we had bought an underwater camera and I handed it to him. He was through all the pics before we even hit the fish on our snorkeling trip, ha

I am thinking about setting up a 365 blog so that I am forced to take a picture every day. Our lives aren't exciting, so would probably not be of interest to anyone else, but at least it would get me in the habit of taking pictures and practicing with different settings. I am excited about my new little hobby. And I am thankful to Justin at Best Buy (yes, if you want to buy a camera here in Longview, seek out Justin!...or James, he is supposedly good too). We went to pick out our camera on a Tuesday evening and I bet I waited a good 30-45 min. before I got ANY help. I was just about to give up and go buy my camera in Tyler when Justin appeared. I had done some light research on the internet and decided that I wanted the Nikon D3100. My parents had the D3000 and were happy with theirs and this was one step up from that one. The features seemed good (not that I know anything) and was in the price range I was willing to spend. Mr. Geek Squad really took me through the cameras and showed me the operation of each and I decided to go Canon. It just seemed so much more user friendly and I need all the 'ease of operation' I can get! And I think the camera I bought was actually a little step up from the Nikon I was looking at.

So, hopefully this blog starts to get a little more colorful :) And I'll post the link to a 365 blog if I decide to go with it...just prepare yourself for lots of dog and bike pictures until kids come in the picture, ha! However, I can't post pictures of the kids until/if they are adopted, so yeah, did I mention dogs and bikes? :)

Brain Matter

On Tuesday night I attended one of Buckner's training sessions on Brain Development and Trauma. It wasn't a required training, but can go towards future needed training hours. However, it had nothing to do with 'doing the time' I was genuinely interested in the topic and I am so glad that I went! I wish Clint had been able to attend. He was unfortunately out of town for work.

A lot of what Dr. Winstead told us we had touched on in PRIDE, etc., but he told it with science and factual terms that really hit home to me! These kids that come in to foster care aren't 'messed up' and behave badly just because they were hurt in some way, their brains have actually been underveloped in certain areas, effecting their ability to self regulate. And regulation is the core of survival of this world!

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me (after hearing we were adopting from foster care), "well, at least you are getting them young before they get all 'messed up' (people LOVE to use that term." If only I could have plopped them down in this class for them to grasp the realization that trauma and brain development start even before they are born! Now, while the training session really hit home the cold hard facts of what these kids have been dealt in life, there was hope too. They can overcome these circumstances (okay, I won't say ALL can, but you get my point) with some (LOTS) work on our parts as parents.

However, our paths to get these kids to be responsible, self-sufficient adults will have to be different than the 'typical' path. Logic and consequences DON'T work for these kids. This is going to be a HUGE learning curve for me. I mean, I'm an Engineer for crying out loud, logic is all I know! But I'm willing to learn new tricks.

Throughout the session, I kept seeing my girls that I mentored last year. Oh, how I failed them! No, these girls weren't orphaned, etc., but I know their home lives were not good, definitely dealing with trauma in various forms. These girls were sent to me because of their bad behavior and while I knew they were 'bad' because they weren't shown the 'right' way at home, it runs so much deeper than that! Their lives were a state of disregulation! I was catching on though, I saw how they melted at simply complimenting them on their smarts, etc. Gosh, I bet they rarely heard that. In the end, I was quite frustrated with their teacher (although admittedly I was never in her class nor had to deal with what she had to on day to day matters) because I felt like they could do no right. After what I learned on Tuesday, I know there were better ways to handle those girls. I pray that teachers down the line will give them a chance, be the encourager they need!

Overall, it was a VERY informative 2 hour session. All through PRIDE, etc. we had it crammed down our throats that these kids were hurt, grieving, sad, mad and the list goes on, but we kept saying to ourselves, okay, so what are some effective tools we can use to HELP these kids! This training session did just that!

Better keep my day job...

...cause I'm a horrible blogger! Three months! Really?! This year has been an absolute whirlwind. Life truly does seem to go by faster the older you get. Our summer has been jam-packed (and not with a vacation, but that's coming soon!). I suppose we are trying to get in our last hoorah's before life takes a big change. So, a quick recap:

• Racing! Clint's been doing lots and I've done a little. Clint has done several road races and two triathlons since I last wrote and I've done two triathlons. It's been fun! Our club race is in a month! I originally had high hopes for it, but there has just been so much else going on and I'm learning that triathlon just can't be number one like it was back in my single days and I'm fine with that. It's a hobby and should be kept that way! Clint is done with triathlons for this year, but is doing lots of road racing up through the first part of October.


• Job situation is still a big question mark and I just take it day by day. My boss has still not made any concrete decisions about the company and I'm okay with that. Whatever is to be, will be and we will be fine with it. Regardless of the company's future, I am out of here on December 16th! Having an official day makes things much more...well, official! I'm anxious, nervous, excited, terrified...but, I'm ready to tackle this next season of life.


• Vacation! We booked our last big 'adult' vacation for awhile to ARUBA! We can't wait! We will be going in mid-October and we are counting down the days!


• Nursery - I was a painting machine this summer! We repainted the walls, which turned out to be a slight issue on my part, but it all worked out, just involved more time. Then, I bought a glider at a garage sale and thought I would just restain it to a color I liked, no problem. Ummm, I will NEVER stain wood again! I had no idea how difficult it would be! Stripping alone was such a pain and in the end, I should have just bought a new glider. Darn me and my cheapness! The stain turned out horrible so I just painted it in the end. Then, I had this 'great' decorating idea. It involved lots of painting of frames and wooden figures. All of which needed a coat of primer and two coats of paint. In the end, it wasn't quite as 'great' as I had invisioned in my mind, but the room is finished! In the process we also bought a new crib (and changing table) since the crib my sister gave me was a drop side crib and they are NOT allowed for foster care, even if you brace the drop side. My mom also made the bedding and curtains and those are definitely the highlight of the room!


• Coaching - I took the USAT Level 1 coaching certificaiton clinic in Memphis in June. I've been so busy that I'm still working on the test, but should be finished soon. I'm hoping that I can do some coaching once I am no longer working. Will be great to keep my mind busy and I think will be lots of fun.


• Volunteering - I am slowly relieving myself of duties in various organizations. I still want to be involved and hope to hold leadership positions down the line, but with so much uncertainty and 'newness' of what next year will be, I'm trying to take a back seat for now so as not to be overwhelmed in the future. I'll need some time to find my new normal before I jump back in to things. I'm still keeping some things though such as working in the church nursery (3-4 yr olds).

Now, the most important of all, our foster to adopt journey. Obviously by the nursery talk, we haven't given up! It's just taken awhile to get our stuff taken care of with everything else in life we have going on. Well, we are ALMOST there! We had our fire inspection on Thursday and our last interview for the home study (and that was WAAAAAAAAY less painful than I thought it was going to be!) on Friday. Our case worker said she would have her report written up in a couple of weeks. After that, we have to get a health and safety inspection of our home and then 'fingers crossed' that is it! However, after thinking things through and talking with our case worker, we have decided not to submit ourselves for licensing until after we return from our vacation in October. Then, they are going to note that we would prefer to wait until I finish up work in December, but I just can't stand the thought of a little one needing a safe, loving home before then and there not being anyone that can take them and here we have everything completed! So, I need to start contacting some daycares in the area in case we get a call in the 7 week interim. I need to find a place that is willing to take in a young one at a moment's notice. Thankfully, that scenario will be short term!

So, right now we are enjoying are last weeks of being fancy free, getting our ducks in a row financially, mentally, spiritually, etc., and just enjoying 'us' because we hope it's not just 'us' for long! :)

A Great Weekend!

This past weekend, Clint and I had a fun, and relaxing time. It was definitely needed. It started off with me taking a vacation day on Friday, giving me a three day weekend. The point of taking Friday off was so that I could volunteer at church (more in a bit) and get some things accomplished around the house. Well, I accomplished ZERO at the house, but did get a lot done. Here's what Friday looked like:

• Up at 4:30 am to go to 5:00 am swim.


• Back home to eat breakfast and get laundry going (okay so I guess I accomplished a little bit at the house)


• Grocery shopping


• Back home to put away groceries and fold laundry


• Drop off Clint's bike at the bike shop to get his brakes switched out for the wheels he borrowed for the Four States Triathlon


• Volunteer at church putting pinwheels together with special prayers concerning foster/adoption. The Sunday sermon was specifically on this topic and wouldn't you know of all Sundays to miss, we had to miss this one. However, I'm glad I got to work on the pinwheels and read/reflect on the special prayers and get to know others in the Life Matters group. (I also listened to the sermon online on Monday).


• After church went to check out a boarding place for the pups. I just hate taking them to the vet for boarding. I loved this place! It's called 'Can Rover Come Over' and if you are in Longview and need to take your dogs somewhere, THIS is the place. They also do doggie day care, grooming, bathing, etc.


• Hobby Lobby to get a project for my girls (unfortunately they were both in trouble and didn't get to see me on Monday. I'm praying next week will be better for them)


• BooksAMillion for a book for Clint to read while we were out camping


• Academy to try ONE MORE TIME to find some goggles that work for me. I have had the same pair for 5-6 years because they have been the only ones to work well on my face, but they are on their last leg...scratched so much I can't see and break every time I put them on. I've bought others over the years, but they have been no-go's. Well, I bought ANOTHER pair on Friday (they ended up working great! Thank you, Lord!)


• Mall to get more Proactive (yes, I'm in my thirties and still break out worse than a teenager!)


• Run through Chick-fil-A for lunch.


• Back by shop to pick Clint's bike back up


• Home to eat, e-mails, hang out just a bit


• Take dogs to new boarding place and make sure they are going to be okay


• Sonic Happy Hour!


• Run by gym to renew my Titan Training contract


• And home where I had just enough time to start packing and loading for our camping/triathlon trip

Whew! Clint came home from work and we got the last bit loaded before taking off. Stopped for dinner in Atlanta and then on to camping on Lake Wright Patman. We got the tent set up and everything in before the sun went down. We tried going to sleep a little early because we were so tired, but we had some loud neighbors.

Saturday Clint and I tried to sleep in, but the cold air, need to use the bathroom, and crazy loud bird had us up. I was really worried because it was so chilly and cloudy. Fortunately the sun came out in the afternoon and it was a much more pleasant day. In the morning, we just hung out, read, Clint worked on his Adoption Questionnaire, I took a nap. We then decided to go for a walk. We went to the end of our camping area and could see the race site across the cove. There were several boys playing with a volleyball and running around. They warned us about snakes, lol. Their ball went into the water and all but one of them were in the water messing around. The boy who stayed back started up a conversation with us in which he said that he's been to Lake Wright Patman before. I say back, 'Oh yeah? Do you come here often with your family?' He responds back, "No ma'am, I live at the Texarkana Baptist Orphanage." Ugh! That immediately tugged at mine and Clint's heart strings. :( Seemed like a great kid!

Anyway, after that we hung out with Clay and Mikki for awhile before we decided to eat lunch and go for a bike ride on the race course. Clay decided at the last minute he wanted to race too, so we all headed into Texarkana to register Clay and pick up our packets. We then headed to Academy to try to find something for him to race in! Then dinner at the Genghis Grill. I liked it! Can't wait until we get one here now. We then came back to camp, showered, up, hung out by the fire and then called it a night.

Sunday was race day! I won't go into all the details, but we had a great time! Clint placed second overall and I placed third overall for females! And the bonus was that they gave cash prizes to the top three overall males and females! I'm so glad I finally jumped back in to triathlons, I can't believe I took a near three year hiatus.

After the race we broke down camp and headed home. Came home to this!:

A fence! And yes, we need to mow before we lose the dogs out there, but they sure are happy to be able to run free without leashes! We've wanted a fence since we moved in and we were finally able to get one. I think they did a great job!

That evening we went to the Mobberly Tailgate Party and had a lot of fun hanging out with our small group and other church members/visitors. Here's a picture of us (rest on FB):

So that's a very quick recap of our fun weekend! We need more of those! :)

I'm losing my job!

And I am THRILLED!! I know, how in the world could someone be happy about losing a job? Well those of you who have been reading along know about my months of wrestling with the issue of becoming a stay-at-home mom. It's what I wanted and feel is right for the children, but I struggled with the guilt of 'throwing away my education', letting others down, living on one income, making a mistake etc. And then of course was the biggie: Telling my boss...the workaholic, the one who could spend 24/7 in the office and never take a vacation. The one who didn't really care for his own wife staying home to be with their kids. I had been waiting and waiting to tell him and then God and his perfect timing came along!

I can't really get into a lot of details, but there are circumstances that my boss is being forced to either get rid of the company and start up a new one or close it up all together. He came into my office on Monday to discuss it with me and asked what my plans were, did I want to do this forever, etc. I was finally able to tell him the big secret! Talk about instant relief! And I know he is feeling relief on his end as well because he knows that he won't be taking a job I wanted/needed out from under me. I am still just amazed at how things all fell into place like they have. Now, there are two other people in this company and nothing has been decided yet so he may decide to keep it going. And if the company does close up shop, I'm not sure of any timelines, etc. either. We should know more here in the next few weeks. I know it is a lot for him to sort through. No matter what though, I am ready and my mind is at peace.

I am just so ecstatic and feel like this huge weight has been taken off. It's also making me realize that we are in fact getting closer to parenthood. We've had to take another adoption specific training class these past two weeks and that is making things sink in more too. We were introduced to other families who have adopted or are in the process of finalizing and they talked about the waiting. The waiting and working through everything hasn't bothered me and I wonder if it should or perhaps it just hasn't hit yet. Right now I stil have 'tasks' to complete so it's active. I think after everything is done and we are truly in wait mode that I might get more anxious.

I hope I will be a good parent. One of our 'tasks' is to complete a questionnaire that asks anything and everything. I feel like I'm having to give a masters thesis to adopt. It asks some pretty tough questions, ones that I'm not sure how to answer and that worries me. Maybe I really don't know what I'm doing or will do. Perhaps I am unfit to be a parent. Lots of thoughts and questions wandering through my mind lately!