Brain Matter

On Tuesday night I attended one of Buckner's training sessions on Brain Development and Trauma. It wasn't a required training, but can go towards future needed training hours. However, it had nothing to do with 'doing the time' I was genuinely interested in the topic and I am so glad that I went! I wish Clint had been able to attend. He was unfortunately out of town for work.

A lot of what Dr. Winstead told us we had touched on in PRIDE, etc., but he told it with science and factual terms that really hit home to me! These kids that come in to foster care aren't 'messed up' and behave badly just because they were hurt in some way, their brains have actually been underveloped in certain areas, effecting their ability to self regulate. And regulation is the core of survival of this world!

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me (after hearing we were adopting from foster care), "well, at least you are getting them young before they get all 'messed up' (people LOVE to use that term." If only I could have plopped them down in this class for them to grasp the realization that trauma and brain development start even before they are born! Now, while the training session really hit home the cold hard facts of what these kids have been dealt in life, there was hope too. They can overcome these circumstances (okay, I won't say ALL can, but you get my point) with some (LOTS) work on our parts as parents.

However, our paths to get these kids to be responsible, self-sufficient adults will have to be different than the 'typical' path. Logic and consequences DON'T work for these kids. This is going to be a HUGE learning curve for me. I mean, I'm an Engineer for crying out loud, logic is all I know! But I'm willing to learn new tricks.

Throughout the session, I kept seeing my girls that I mentored last year. Oh, how I failed them! No, these girls weren't orphaned, etc., but I know their home lives were not good, definitely dealing with trauma in various forms. These girls were sent to me because of their bad behavior and while I knew they were 'bad' because they weren't shown the 'right' way at home, it runs so much deeper than that! Their lives were a state of disregulation! I was catching on though, I saw how they melted at simply complimenting them on their smarts, etc. Gosh, I bet they rarely heard that. In the end, I was quite frustrated with their teacher (although admittedly I was never in her class nor had to deal with what she had to on day to day matters) because I felt like they could do no right. After what I learned on Tuesday, I know there were better ways to handle those girls. I pray that teachers down the line will give them a chance, be the encourager they need!

Overall, it was a VERY informative 2 hour session. All through PRIDE, etc. we had it crammed down our throats that these kids were hurt, grieving, sad, mad and the list goes on, but we kept saying to ourselves, okay, so what are some effective tools we can use to HELP these kids! This training session did just that!