"I' am not at fault

I forgot to mention in my last post that I am still mentoring my girls and am sure to ALWAYS be there. Normally I meet with them on Mondays, but if there is no school, they can be sure I'll be there on Tuesday! The past couple of weeks have been somewhat rough for the girls, behavior-wise. I think I mentioned that I made the executive decision to take up their notebooks due to their failure to use them at appropriate times (when they should be doing school work instead). I gave them back their notebooks and prayed that they would have a better week. When I met with them on Monday, I was pleasantly surprised that Miss N and Miss A had good weeks. However, I was blown away at how BAD Miss M's behavior 'scores' were. She was on blue, which let me remind you is NOT good, TWICE last week, that and no green. Miss M is normally my 'star' of the group.

I asked Miss M what happened. Evidentally she is really struggling with a girl on the bus, who is also in their class. All three girls agreeed that this girl is not nice. Miss M apparently lets this girl push her buttons and then it's on! I tried to talk to her about ways to avoid these confrontations and not let this girl get to her, sink down to her level. I was then intrigued by our group's discussion...well, it's something I've been picking up on for awhile, but it really hit me on Monday. Miss M first said she thought she had ADHD...as a reason why she can't control her behavior. Then, she said, I think I have 'anger issues.' All the girls said they had this. Miss M only lacked one sticker to earn her lunch and squeeked one out based on our guidelines. I had told her that I would bring her lunch next week, but that she still needed to do well, that she couldn't slack off. I warned her that if she had a bad week, I couldn't reward her with her lunch and it would be up to their teacher to decide. Miss N piped in, 'But Ms 'Teacher' hates us!' Miss M responded with, "She doesn't hate us, she hates our actions."

It just has me thinking...what are we teaching our kids? It just seems like our society is SO concerned about high self esteem that nothing else matters. I get the 'I don't think You are bad, but your actions are bad' mantra in that you don't want to knock down their self worth (I really can't explain this well). However, as I am seeing with my girls, it disassociates them from their behaviors. And then, to take it further, our society has an 'issue' for everything, a reason why we do wrong, etc. It's not me, it's my condition! And they are picking up on this in Fourth Grade! Mercy! And yes, I know their ARE kids with ADHD, but as I picked up in my seminar last week, only about 3% of kids have it. Not to mention it's not an acceptable excuse to poor social behavior.

Conincidentally, I had picked up a book at the library titled 'Raising Unselfish Children in a self-absorbed World' by Jill Rigby. I know, I know, how about worrying about getting a kid first before I start freaking out about their ability to be upstanding members of society :) But I read lots of blogs from mom's who periodically make book suggestions. I just want to learn so much. Anyway, I am now even more anxious to find some window of time to read this book and the insight it might have on helping my girls (not that I'm saying I'll take it as gospel).

I'd love any and all ideas on how to help the girls with their 'anger issues'. It's new territory to me as I was shy, quiet and reserved growing up. Miss M did write in her journal, "I'm sorry Miss Bolton." I think she hates letting me down, which I think is a positive thing. She does have remorse, she DOES know her behavior is wrong. Now to get her to be quick to think and slow to react in those situations. They are all so smart. I was proud of them all for passing their practice TAKS writing test (Miss M scored REALLY well), which means they don't have to come in for extra tutoring. I still LOVE hanging out with them, truly the highlight of my week. We have a lot of fun and I can tell they enjoy getting to see me as well. Lately we've been on a BrainQuest kick. They love playing it to see who can ge tthe right answer. I know my Miss Fix-It personality can't fix everything, but if there is anything I can do to refine these girls into the ladies I know they can be, I'm all about it!