The Awkward Day

Christmas is finally over and things are slowly starting to return to a normal schedule...with the exception of Clint having the entire week off and not returning to work until Jan. 3rd (I'm not jealous or anything, ha!). We had a good time in Abilene and it was nice to sit back and relax. Abilene kind of forces that on you and we needed it. And while I was excited about seeing my mom and my sister's family, I was apprehensive about visiting three people and somehow it worked out that I would be visiting them all on the same day. Poor Clint was a trooper and things actually went about as good as they could go.

First up, my grandmother (My Dad's mother): Now, I truly LOVE this woman, so what could be so bad about seeing your grandmother, right? Well, it has been a long time since I've seen her and her health has greatly deteriorated. She is now in a nursing home, is in a wheelchair, and has an inoperable brain tumor. Her memory has good days and bad days and so my hesitation was, what if she doesn't know who I am? How awkward will it be? Will I scare her? Fortunately, my mom, sister, and niece all came along for the visit. It was hard seeing her in a place like that, but she looked good and was still as sweet as ever, just quiet. I'm not sure if she knew who any of us were, but I think she may have recognized my sister. But she was happy with the company, no matter who she thought we were. So, I would call our visit a success. I definitely need to get up there to see her more often.

Next up, Mr. Aneff: So, a little background. I dated a guy in high school and into early college. We eventually broke up (he broke up with me, and yes, my little teenage heart thought it was the end of the world, oh young naive love, ha ha. To know then what I know now! We were going in two totally opposite directions in life {and really came from two totally different backgrounds} and boy would our worlds collide if we had stayed together; I can't imagine two more different people). Anyway, even though we were no more, I was still close to his family, the Aneffs, his mom and older sister in particular. When my family and I were going through rough times, they were always there for me and they did SO much for me, I will be eternally grateful to them. Sadly, Mrs. Aneff passed away in August of '02, which was extremely hard on me...I think because I had no idea how bad she had gotten (died of the big C), they really kept that from me, I'm sure trying to protect me, but in the end, I wish I had known! I felt robbed of being able to say goodbye, I don't even remember what my last words to her were. Anyway, as usual, I am getting sidetracked. Even though, I wasn't as close to Mr. Aneff, I've always tried to keep in contact with him and visit him when I can. I know, having his wife pass away and having all of his kids grown and moved away must be hard. Normally, visiting him goes fine, but over the years, he's turned into what I call 'the cranky old man'. I won't go into the details of their family issues, but every family has them, even the wealthy ones like theirs. When I speak to him now, I get to hear him complain about all that is wrong, and then he usually pauses just long enough to ask how my job is...apparently that's my only defining worth in my life to him. So, I was dreading having to hear the same complaints again. Well, that's just what we got, but with a bonus!

I broke the news to Mr. Aneff about our plans to adopt. We then received a 20 min. lecture on why it is so important to check into their medical histories because he knows this person, that person, so and so, and on and on that have adopted and the kids have no mental capacity. I kept my cool while there, but Clint could tell I was mad and I am! Furious in fact! 1) For him to treat us to be so stupid to think we would not look into the files and gather as much information as we can so that we can pass it on to the child. We want them to have as much background and history possible. But, we know, there is only so much information that we will be able to obtain. 2) For him to infer that children that aren't scholars aren't worth adoption is infuriating. 3) I cannot stand when people want to rattle off every bad case they've heard. YES, we get it, some adoptions go bad...life goes bad from time to time, but I just don't understand people's need to do this. It's like telling a pregnant woman your horror stories on childbirth. And 4) I can't stand when people want to 'teach' me about adoption when they haven't been through it and don't really know. We were telling him about the process and he had no idea how it works. Heck, we haven't even begun, so we don't even know it all, but don't start to 'educate' me on something you know nothing about. But this last one is something that you would really have to know him, to understand (I love him, but he definitely has that 'I know everything' attitude). I know, I know, Mama Lion coming out again (and when we are still SO far away from even being licensed to get a child), but to say our visit was frustrating would be an understatement. Deep down, I know he wants what is best for me and doesn't want to see me struggle, but he has a crazy way of going about it!

I tried to cool off from that visit on our way to see, number three, my dad: As previously mentioned, we had a huge falling out after my wedding. My dad has struggled with drugs and alcohol addiction all his life and then there are other skeletons in the closet that don't need to be discussed here that make the situation even worse. We'll just leave it at this 'his actions leading up to my wedding and then the wedding itself were the straws that broke the camels back.' My husband and I came back from our honeymoon and I turned on my phone and was already receiving nasty text mesages from him. I didn't respond...for a year and a half. I was done. Done with the guilt trips, the twisting of reality into things being 'my' fault, the lies, etc. He had hurt me SO many times, yet I always came back, but after my wedding, I had enough, enough of the abuse. Last Christmas, I finally decided that I had to turn it all over to God, all my anger, disappointment, my want to change my dad, all of it. It was for God to handle, not me. Whew! Letting go of control is hard! So, I called my dad last year and opened up the communication. It was nice. We didn't talk again, with the exception of a 'happy birthday' text from him on my birthday. So, my sister and I decided to get together for Christmas with him, just to spend some time together, perhaps play a game. We decided on her place, so that we would not have to go to his house, which is a toxic place for so many reasons, I don't think I can go back there.

Clint and I pulled up at the same time that my dad was pulling up...well, being dropped off. I was instantly nervous! Great! He's already so tanked up that he needed a ride! Clint and I went in first and we and my sister's family all braced for him to come in. We were a little nervous when he came in. There are some definite cues that my sister and I have picked up on over the years that alert us when he's 'not himself' and our radars were up. But things stayed calm and pleasant even and seemed to get better as the night went on. We were even able to play one of our favorite card games. It was such a relief. I'm so happy I got to see him because honestly, I worry about him. I worry about what he may do to himself and how much longer he may be around. I hate what addiction and the other skeletons have done to him. He's such a brilliant man, a creative man. I pray that he will some day want to seek help for his addiction, to clean up the other things in his life, and that we can all hang out and enjoy each others company like we did Sunday night. I miss him and Clint says he can tell that he misses us because he kept talking about things from when we were little kids, which was before things started to unravel. I think he does miss us, but I think his addiction brain thinks that we turned against him (he's told us so before). His sense of reality is so warped, who knows if he will ever see the truth. I do love him though, he's my dad.

The awkward day ended up not being so awkward after all and I am glad that I did in fact go see them when I would have much rather been somewhere else. These people are important pieces of my life; they have all helped shape who I am today. Their ways aren't the 'easy' ways, but God has a purpose for everything and everyone.