Well, we had our third and final PRIDE class this past weekend. We covered discipline. Clint and I felt kind of 'meh' after this one, much like the first class. We get that you can't spank (nor do I want to do that), yada yada, but perhaps there could have been more talk on things that DO work. Of course, I know that for the most part, the punishment will depend on the child. What works for one won't necessarily work for the other. This was evident growing up! If I got in trouble and was told to go to my room, it was pure torture! Hated it! I wanted to be outside and with my friends. Now my sister, if you told her to go to her room, she was just fine with that. She was the creative thinker and could entertain herself for hours. Ahhh, the joys of parenting, lol.
The good part of the class was once again getting to hear from people who are in it. And these stories were much more positive than last week's, which was encouraging. Clint and I have also decided that we are open to fostering along our way to foster to adopt. The need is just too great to ignore. And the only reason we (well, really Clint) was against it before was because of the whole, 'give them back'. And I agree, that is NOT going to be easy and it's hard to go into something where you KNOW you are going to get hurt. Who wants to knowingly get hurt, especially when there is another road where there is no forseen pain? The need is greater than our pain and we will hopefully be able to give a child(ren) a loving, safe home.
After the class, we had to sign our lives away :) It was almost like closing on a house with all of the papers we had to sign. We also have MORE paper work to fill out. We need to have our places of residence for the past 10 years. Oof! That one gets hard for me even. I've only lived in 4 places in that amount of time, but I was in the same two for the past 8 of those years. And poor Clint! He lived the life of a nomad so he's definitely got his work cut out for him! We also have to put together a list of family rules. Ummm, don't pull the dogs' tails? Ha ha. Okay, so, we've got some thinking to do on that one as well. However, in my blog entry a couple of posts back when I discussed what all we needed before our home study, I accidentally got ahead of myself. Everything after the TB test (proofs of health and life insurance, will, physician's report) are NOT needed, at least not until we move from fostering to the adoption phase. So that helps. Now, I really just need to schedule us for the TB tests and then we should have all of our documents.
Up next, we have psychotropic medication training and restraint training (both towards the end of next week). But for this weekend, I am excited to have a weekend free from training and other commitments so that I can see my mom, sister, and niece. My mom just celebrated her 50th birthday and so they are all coming to East Texas to celebrate. And by celebrate, I mean shopping at Canton Trade Days! I'm excited! I've only been once and it was with Clint who, well, doesn't shop, especially in a place like that. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family. I don't get to see them near enough!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Art of Strength
Art of Strength is the name of the fitness class that I am taking. However, the instructor and classmates refer to it as Titan Training, which definitely sounds much more rugged and manly like :) I've been three times so far and I am hooked! Absolutely love it! It really is everything I was looking for: high intensity, great strength, fast paced, constantly changing, etc. I am also liking my fellow classmates. Most are Army guys. Everyone is extremely encouraging and pushes each other, which is what I need. I don't need someone whining next to me because then the next person starts whining. It just brings down the energy.
It's also nice to be in a class of people who have different goals and excitement. I've been doing triathlon forever and know to get excited over certain times, distances, events that it's sort of become old news to me. These guys have a total different set of goals and I like hearing about them. Makes me want to do something 'tough'! What that is, I have no idea! Ha ha. I just feel like I should be doing some crazy obstacle course with like a 50 lb pack or something. It's just a refreshing change of pace/course and I like the group atmosphere. I had become quite the loner in triathlon training due to the TRAINING PLAN which must be followed.
I'm also down about 18 lbs since January 1 and I'm starting to feel good in my skin. I almost feel like I have a whole new wardrobe since I can fit into so many clothes again. Now if I can just gain some muscle! :) Someday I'll be able to do lots of push-ups...real push-ups. Right now, not so much.
It's also nice to be in a class of people who have different goals and excitement. I've been doing triathlon forever and know to get excited over certain times, distances, events that it's sort of become old news to me. These guys have a total different set of goals and I like hearing about them. Makes me want to do something 'tough'! What that is, I have no idea! Ha ha. I just feel like I should be doing some crazy obstacle course with like a 50 lb pack or something. It's just a refreshing change of pace/course and I like the group atmosphere. I had become quite the loner in triathlon training due to the TRAINING PLAN which must be followed.
I'm also down about 18 lbs since January 1 and I'm starting to feel good in my skin. I almost feel like I have a whole new wardrobe since I can fit into so many clothes again. Now if I can just gain some muscle! :) Someday I'll be able to do lots of push-ups...real push-ups. Right now, not so much.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Time to find the black box
At our last PRIDE class we were given a list of documents that we will need before a home study will be scheduled. I know many have asked me about what's next, etc. so I thought I would provide that list. Now, these documents are needed for our specific course of Foster to Adopt. Keep in mind that there are other options that will require different items. The programs are:
- Foster Care - Temporary home for children
- Foster to Adopt - Temporary child placement that will probably move to adoption.
- Waiting Texas Children - Adoption of older children already waiting for a home.
- Domestic Infant Adoption - Adoption of an infant from a birth mother who wishes to relinquish her parental rights.
- International Adoption
- CPS Adoption - Adoption out of the CPS program
Being in the foster to adopt category makes us unique in the fact that we pretty much have to cover everything for fostering AND adoption (obviously). I have a black box that keeps all of our imporant documents. So most of this should be pretty painless in collecting. Here's what we need:
- Formal Application - Done!
- Picture of Family
- Birth Certificates
- Social Security cards
- Driver's license and auto insurance
- Marriage License
- Photos of front and back of home
- Floor plan with rooms/dimensions/uses
- Pet Vaccinations
- Proof of income (tax returns for previous 3 years for adoption)
- Diplomas
- TB test for all family members
- Proof of health insurance on husband and wife
- Proof of life insurance on husband and wife (minimum of $50,000 each)
- Proof of Will
- Physician's Report
I'll be honest in saying that we don't have life insurance or a will yet, but will be done soon. These were things that Dave Ramsey teaches too, but we were just waiting until we were officially debt free (less than 3 weeks to go!!).
And these are just documents that must be collected before the home study...there are more items we will have to have down the road. Buckner said that they schedule home studies in the order of who submits their documentation first. So, depending on when we and everyone else get everything in will determine the order/time of when we start our home study. She said again that this process takes 4-6 months. We're not in too big of a rush though. I know so many people have asked, when are we going to have a baby?! Well, not for awhile and it may not be a baby either. I'm liking the element of surprise right now...not knowing when we'll get the call and what the child will be or look like. It's exciting!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
PRIDE Part Two
Yesterday we went to class Number 2 of PRIDE. Clint and I both felt like this one was much better than last week as far as getting good information. Debbie with Buckner was the leader today and she did a great job (and is such an adorable woman). We covered things such as visitations and how to handle the before and after with the children and we discussed ecomaps.
The biggest topic of the day was sexual abuse. They brought in a current foster mom who for some reason has had several foster children who have been victims of sexual abuse. The stories were sad and frightening. Poor Clint, it honestly freaked him out! He doesn't think that he is strong enough to deal with things like four hour plus tantrums, etc. And right now, that does sound daunting, but I'm up to the challenge. Yesterday just really seemed to further commit to me that I am called to do this. While I may have endured sexual abuse in my life, God knew that I could handle it, overcome it, and come out stronger on the other side. The silver lining is that it was a gift to me...I know, how in the world is sexual abuse a gift?! But it gave me understanding and compassion for these kids. I can relate to their feelings and actions because I experienced many of them as well and these kids can be assured that I won't find them shameful or embarassing.
As the discussion on sexual abuse got started, Clint looked at me and asked if I was okay. And I was! I really have turned all of that over to God and I don't have that pain anymore. However, it did dredge up feelings and memories that I hadn't thought of in awhile. After the issue had been brought to light those many years ago, I was embarassed, ashamed, and angry. I am an internalizer about many things and really just wanted to put all of it in a locked box and throw away the key. I immersed myself in school and my grades only went up. It was my escape. However, over the years, I've been able to release those negative feelings and rather than trying to hide it, I simply just filed it away in a regular box because it was over and I had moved on.
But yesterday had me opening up that box and peering back in. It wasn't a bad thing and was probably good for me to be reminded of the emotions I felt during and after. They talked about how many kids love their perpetrators and don't understand why they've been taken away. They have no idea that the sexual behavior is wrong because it's what they've been taught by an authoritative figure as right. They've been told they are good little boys and girls and make the perps happy. I remember that. When I was little, I loved my grandad and didn't have any ill feelings towards him. He constantly told me I was good. It wasn't until I got older 4th, 5th, 6th grade when my body started changing and I started understanding more that my feelings started to turn. My mom taught us sex education and a young age and I think that was good. She wanted us to get the facts first before kids started gossiping about different things. So that too heightened my awarness that what was going on was NOT right.
And while I knew it wasn't right. My grandad had control and fear over me. I feared no one would believe me over him. I was trapped. My sister however was different. While I was the rule follower, not one to rock the boat, she was full of spunk. My grandad knew this and had to go the extra mile with her to scare her. During the years of abuse, I had no idea he was doing the same to my sister and my sister likewise didn't know about me. Anyway, the stories I've heard from her since then on how he threatened her hurt so bad. He was a military man and sick and twisted. Fortunately, despite those horrible threats, my sister finally confided in a school friend at an after-school program. This friend knew this was not right and went straight to one of the teachers of the program who confided to my mom.
To say my mom was livid would be an understatement. I was in 6th grade at the time and I remember coming home that day and my mom saying, 'We've got to talk!' Usually that was code for 'You're in BIG trouble!' I racked my brain for what I could have possibly done wrong, but was coming up empty. I remember asking, "Am I in trouble?" She said, "No, but I know someone who might be!" When my mom is seriously upset she gets this really deep voice and she had that. I was a little panicked. She then mentioned my grandad and asked if he had touched me in anyway. She said that she would trust me and believe me in no matter what I said. I broke down and told her.
It was out and there was this sense of relief! She believed me! This nightmare is going to be over! But then there was the embarassment of having to talk about it, knowing that others now knew. I was scared, what did this mean now? What was next?
The next part is kind of a blur. My mom wanted to prosecute my grandad. My sister and I had to meet with a therapist and describe with a doll, etc. all of the things he did. Not fun to have to verbalize! Especially to a stranger. My mom also started us in counseling. Again, I just remember NOT wanting to talk about it. Just wanted to move on.
One of the worst things was riding the bus from school one day. My cousin (boy) who was my age only lived a few streets away from me and we rode the same bus (he was a grade ahead though due to his early birthday). He said to me, "You know you're never going to get to see grandmommy again." Crushed! I was crushed! I LOVED my grandmommy! And then I thought...she doesn't believe me! She must hate me! The whole family hates my sister and me! And well, those feelings were true and my dad's side of the family was stripped away from me. So, while I haven't been taken away from my immediate family like a foster child is, I dealt with a lot of the same feelings.
In the end, my grandad got off. Nothing happened to him, which is often the case. So many people thought we made it up. Wow! I just can't even imagine making up that stuff, just saying the words to the therapist was torture. Even now, that I feel like I can move past it. I think I could only share the details of what he did to my husband and that's only if he asks. That part I suppose will always be a scar.
The story doesn't end there though. About four years later, it was discovered that my grandad was having an affair with another woman (lots of stuff would come out about him). My grandparents were getting a divorce. Suddenly, the family felt allowed to believe us. My grandmother wanted to see us! While it was great, it was awkward too. Life with that side of the family just never was the same. Christmas Eve used to be a big gathering at my grandparents house with all of us. My sister and I anticipated it for weeks when we were little! Somehow, we were now supposed to just jump back in. Deep down, the family still didn't really care for my sister or me and they weren't so good about hiding those feelings. My grandmother loved us, but still, it was just different. She's now in a nursing home and doesn't remember us, but I really lost her back in 6th grade, not a couple of years ago. She was the only connection with my dad's side of the family that sort of brought people together. Without her, there is no connection with them. Through the wonders of facebook, one of my cousins did find me and will talk to me. However, we were never close, even growing up (there was quite a bit of age difference between us).
The worst though, our own dad doesn't believe us. While I can get past my other family, my dad not believing me honestly does sting a bit. But my issues with my dad run much more deep than just this and that is something that I am constantly having to remind myself to turn over to God because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know my dad is in a difficult position since it is his father and believing us would mean coming to terms that his own father could do such a thing. However, my sister has called me in hysterics a couple of times when she has been at my dad's house and my grandad was invited over. My dad could at least have the courtesy to not do that.
Anyway, I know all of this is long-winded and certainly not a pleasant subject, but it just felt good to let it out on 'paper'. It's been a long time. And I don't hold anger over my dad's family and I don't blame myself. I know my grandad is the reason that life is the way it is now. And my dad's side of the family has many more issues that make things strained between one another than just this subject. I don't get worked up over it. I do remember when I was attending McMurry and running around the nearby streets for track...my grandad's work was nearby. I didn't fear him seeing me and doing something to me, but I can guarantee to you that I always had a subconsious plan of what to do if I saw him. I knew where the closest house, easiest get-away was. In class, they discussed how some of the kids had certain triggers that would bring them back to the awful incidents. I don't have that. There is something though, my grandad had a very distinct whistle. Every once in awhile I'll hear someone make that whistle and the hairs on my arms will stand up. It's more of a 'nails on the chalkboard' thing than taking me back to trauma though. I do think my sister has more lasting issues with it though and I hate that. She has a girl and she is extremely wary about who can keep her, even family. Plus, she still lives in Abilene and runs the risk of seeing him more.
It's a shame that there are such sick people int his world who would abuse a child in this way. But I'm happy to be one of the 'success' stories who can move on and heal.
The biggest topic of the day was sexual abuse. They brought in a current foster mom who for some reason has had several foster children who have been victims of sexual abuse. The stories were sad and frightening. Poor Clint, it honestly freaked him out! He doesn't think that he is strong enough to deal with things like four hour plus tantrums, etc. And right now, that does sound daunting, but I'm up to the challenge. Yesterday just really seemed to further commit to me that I am called to do this. While I may have endured sexual abuse in my life, God knew that I could handle it, overcome it, and come out stronger on the other side. The silver lining is that it was a gift to me...I know, how in the world is sexual abuse a gift?! But it gave me understanding and compassion for these kids. I can relate to their feelings and actions because I experienced many of them as well and these kids can be assured that I won't find them shameful or embarassing.
As the discussion on sexual abuse got started, Clint looked at me and asked if I was okay. And I was! I really have turned all of that over to God and I don't have that pain anymore. However, it did dredge up feelings and memories that I hadn't thought of in awhile. After the issue had been brought to light those many years ago, I was embarassed, ashamed, and angry. I am an internalizer about many things and really just wanted to put all of it in a locked box and throw away the key. I immersed myself in school and my grades only went up. It was my escape. However, over the years, I've been able to release those negative feelings and rather than trying to hide it, I simply just filed it away in a regular box because it was over and I had moved on.
But yesterday had me opening up that box and peering back in. It wasn't a bad thing and was probably good for me to be reminded of the emotions I felt during and after. They talked about how many kids love their perpetrators and don't understand why they've been taken away. They have no idea that the sexual behavior is wrong because it's what they've been taught by an authoritative figure as right. They've been told they are good little boys and girls and make the perps happy. I remember that. When I was little, I loved my grandad and didn't have any ill feelings towards him. He constantly told me I was good. It wasn't until I got older 4th, 5th, 6th grade when my body started changing and I started understanding more that my feelings started to turn. My mom taught us sex education and a young age and I think that was good. She wanted us to get the facts first before kids started gossiping about different things. So that too heightened my awarness that what was going on was NOT right.
And while I knew it wasn't right. My grandad had control and fear over me. I feared no one would believe me over him. I was trapped. My sister however was different. While I was the rule follower, not one to rock the boat, she was full of spunk. My grandad knew this and had to go the extra mile with her to scare her. During the years of abuse, I had no idea he was doing the same to my sister and my sister likewise didn't know about me. Anyway, the stories I've heard from her since then on how he threatened her hurt so bad. He was a military man and sick and twisted. Fortunately, despite those horrible threats, my sister finally confided in a school friend at an after-school program. This friend knew this was not right and went straight to one of the teachers of the program who confided to my mom.
To say my mom was livid would be an understatement. I was in 6th grade at the time and I remember coming home that day and my mom saying, 'We've got to talk!' Usually that was code for 'You're in BIG trouble!' I racked my brain for what I could have possibly done wrong, but was coming up empty. I remember asking, "Am I in trouble?" She said, "No, but I know someone who might be!" When my mom is seriously upset she gets this really deep voice and she had that. I was a little panicked. She then mentioned my grandad and asked if he had touched me in anyway. She said that she would trust me and believe me in no matter what I said. I broke down and told her.
It was out and there was this sense of relief! She believed me! This nightmare is going to be over! But then there was the embarassment of having to talk about it, knowing that others now knew. I was scared, what did this mean now? What was next?
The next part is kind of a blur. My mom wanted to prosecute my grandad. My sister and I had to meet with a therapist and describe with a doll, etc. all of the things he did. Not fun to have to verbalize! Especially to a stranger. My mom also started us in counseling. Again, I just remember NOT wanting to talk about it. Just wanted to move on.
One of the worst things was riding the bus from school one day. My cousin (boy) who was my age only lived a few streets away from me and we rode the same bus (he was a grade ahead though due to his early birthday). He said to me, "You know you're never going to get to see grandmommy again." Crushed! I was crushed! I LOVED my grandmommy! And then I thought...she doesn't believe me! She must hate me! The whole family hates my sister and me! And well, those feelings were true and my dad's side of the family was stripped away from me. So, while I haven't been taken away from my immediate family like a foster child is, I dealt with a lot of the same feelings.
In the end, my grandad got off. Nothing happened to him, which is often the case. So many people thought we made it up. Wow! I just can't even imagine making up that stuff, just saying the words to the therapist was torture. Even now, that I feel like I can move past it. I think I could only share the details of what he did to my husband and that's only if he asks. That part I suppose will always be a scar.
The story doesn't end there though. About four years later, it was discovered that my grandad was having an affair with another woman (lots of stuff would come out about him). My grandparents were getting a divorce. Suddenly, the family felt allowed to believe us. My grandmother wanted to see us! While it was great, it was awkward too. Life with that side of the family just never was the same. Christmas Eve used to be a big gathering at my grandparents house with all of us. My sister and I anticipated it for weeks when we were little! Somehow, we were now supposed to just jump back in. Deep down, the family still didn't really care for my sister or me and they weren't so good about hiding those feelings. My grandmother loved us, but still, it was just different. She's now in a nursing home and doesn't remember us, but I really lost her back in 6th grade, not a couple of years ago. She was the only connection with my dad's side of the family that sort of brought people together. Without her, there is no connection with them. Through the wonders of facebook, one of my cousins did find me and will talk to me. However, we were never close, even growing up (there was quite a bit of age difference between us).
The worst though, our own dad doesn't believe us. While I can get past my other family, my dad not believing me honestly does sting a bit. But my issues with my dad run much more deep than just this and that is something that I am constantly having to remind myself to turn over to God because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know my dad is in a difficult position since it is his father and believing us would mean coming to terms that his own father could do such a thing. However, my sister has called me in hysterics a couple of times when she has been at my dad's house and my grandad was invited over. My dad could at least have the courtesy to not do that.
Anyway, I know all of this is long-winded and certainly not a pleasant subject, but it just felt good to let it out on 'paper'. It's been a long time. And I don't hold anger over my dad's family and I don't blame myself. I know my grandad is the reason that life is the way it is now. And my dad's side of the family has many more issues that make things strained between one another than just this subject. I don't get worked up over it. I do remember when I was attending McMurry and running around the nearby streets for track...my grandad's work was nearby. I didn't fear him seeing me and doing something to me, but I can guarantee to you that I always had a subconsious plan of what to do if I saw him. I knew where the closest house, easiest get-away was. In class, they discussed how some of the kids had certain triggers that would bring them back to the awful incidents. I don't have that. There is something though, my grandad had a very distinct whistle. Every once in awhile I'll hear someone make that whistle and the hairs on my arms will stand up. It's more of a 'nails on the chalkboard' thing than taking me back to trauma though. I do think my sister has more lasting issues with it though and I hate that. She has a girl and she is extremely wary about who can keep her, even family. Plus, she still lives in Abilene and runs the risk of seeing him more.
It's a shame that there are such sick people int his world who would abuse a child in this way. But I'm happy to be one of the 'success' stories who can move on and heal.
Friday, February 18, 2011
I may have found what I was looking for
Those that know me, know about my love for the long distance swim/bike/run. However, as I've previously discussed in this blog, it's been awhile since I've done much racing in it. And I really don't have the time to train for the ultra stuff like I once did. Well, I could, but my priorities have changed over the years. Anyway, so one of my main goals this year was to get more back to me...get healthy and fit. And I can do that without 20+ hours of training a week. My eating has been great since the New Year. I'm down about 15 pounds since Jan. 1st and I'd say 99% of it is due to my change in eating habits alone. I've been running and biking, but as crazy as our lives have been lately, I wish I did more.
After my 100 mile run in February of 2009 (hard to believe it's been two years already!) I was ready for a break. Perhaps it was a bit of burn out, I don't know. I still loved the sport, but I just wanted to rest. After some time off, I was looking to get back to it so to speak, but I was looking for a change. I'd clearly mastered the art of long and slow. I wanted something with a kick! A friend told me about this bootcamp and it sounded like what I was looking for. And true, I was sore that first week because it was something different from what my body was used to. But as the weeks rolled on, I quickly became bored with it. We did the same few exercises over and over...not much variety. The instructor seemed much more interested in chatting with the girls rather than leading us. There were so many breaks. But the worst was the whining! Gosh I don't deal well with whining adults in my workouts. I mean, they PAID to be out there, if it's hard, don't come! Workouts are for me; where I get re-energized and leave the world's worries for a bit. So, I didn't enjoy feeling like I was in a room with a bunch of toddlers. My coach in high school used to say that whining (in practice) was like cancer and that once one person started, it spread like wildfire. So true!
Observing some of the other 'hard core' boot camps around town, I was finding more of the same. Lame workouts, whiny adults. And I don't mean to be bashing these programs. I think they are great for those that aren't accustomed to working out, but I've been running or doing some form of exercise since I was in eighth grade. So, I gave up on that. I wanted to do some stuff at home on my own, but I admit to not being very creative. I've heard so much about CrossFit and it's amazing! I did a few of the online workouts, but it's hard to do in a gym that isn't outfitted for it. I discovered that there are some CrossFit gyms springing up in town, but I just can't swallow paying that much to workout, especially when I can workout for free out my front door.
So, I'd given up on a high intensity class with strength and anaerobic energy. Until, someone in our small group told me about this other gym and its 'CrossFit' class. The price was reasonable. I was intrigued. I couldn't help myeslf I went in the next day to see what I could find out about it. I went in and was totally honest with the gym worker. I wasn't looking around for another mamby pamby workout class where we all hold hands around the water cooler. She told me this class was what I was looking for. I went ahead and cautiously signed up for a month. I could give it a month and if it wasn't 'it' I wouldn't be out months of membership. I went in for my assessment last night. I was worried at first because I thought the guy in the office was the instructor and well, he didn't look so in shape to me (the bootcamp instructor I had was overweight and kept cramming those 'get weight loss quick with this 9 day cleanse' junk). To my relief, that wasn't the instructor and he went to get him for me. The instructor definitely looked the part at least so that's step one. He took me back to the room and had me run through some exercises. The exercises were only maybe 10 min. and I am already slightly sore today. Ha! I have a good vibe about this guy and this class. It definitely seems like it will be high energy, kick my butt.
My first class is this evening! He said I was free to go to any of the classes and didn't have to start out in the beginner class, which is good because the beginner classes really weren't working with my schedule right now. But, I am nervous about jumping in with people who know what they are doing. I think I'm more anxious than I want to admit because I did not sleep well at all last night. Funny how I can get so worked up over working out, but working out is a part of me and I just need a change to keep things interesting. So, this gym has one month to see if it can hold my attention! I already know it's going to have me on the floor in the first week.
After my 100 mile run in February of 2009 (hard to believe it's been two years already!) I was ready for a break. Perhaps it was a bit of burn out, I don't know. I still loved the sport, but I just wanted to rest. After some time off, I was looking to get back to it so to speak, but I was looking for a change. I'd clearly mastered the art of long and slow. I wanted something with a kick! A friend told me about this bootcamp and it sounded like what I was looking for. And true, I was sore that first week because it was something different from what my body was used to. But as the weeks rolled on, I quickly became bored with it. We did the same few exercises over and over...not much variety. The instructor seemed much more interested in chatting with the girls rather than leading us. There were so many breaks. But the worst was the whining! Gosh I don't deal well with whining adults in my workouts. I mean, they PAID to be out there, if it's hard, don't come! Workouts are for me; where I get re-energized and leave the world's worries for a bit. So, I didn't enjoy feeling like I was in a room with a bunch of toddlers. My coach in high school used to say that whining (in practice) was like cancer and that once one person started, it spread like wildfire. So true!
Observing some of the other 'hard core' boot camps around town, I was finding more of the same. Lame workouts, whiny adults. And I don't mean to be bashing these programs. I think they are great for those that aren't accustomed to working out, but I've been running or doing some form of exercise since I was in eighth grade. So, I gave up on that. I wanted to do some stuff at home on my own, but I admit to not being very creative. I've heard so much about CrossFit and it's amazing! I did a few of the online workouts, but it's hard to do in a gym that isn't outfitted for it. I discovered that there are some CrossFit gyms springing up in town, but I just can't swallow paying that much to workout, especially when I can workout for free out my front door.
So, I'd given up on a high intensity class with strength and anaerobic energy. Until, someone in our small group told me about this other gym and its 'CrossFit' class. The price was reasonable. I was intrigued. I couldn't help myeslf I went in the next day to see what I could find out about it. I went in and was totally honest with the gym worker. I wasn't looking around for another mamby pamby workout class where we all hold hands around the water cooler. She told me this class was what I was looking for. I went ahead and cautiously signed up for a month. I could give it a month and if it wasn't 'it' I wouldn't be out months of membership. I went in for my assessment last night. I was worried at first because I thought the guy in the office was the instructor and well, he didn't look so in shape to me (the bootcamp instructor I had was overweight and kept cramming those 'get weight loss quick with this 9 day cleanse' junk). To my relief, that wasn't the instructor and he went to get him for me. The instructor definitely looked the part at least so that's step one. He took me back to the room and had me run through some exercises. The exercises were only maybe 10 min. and I am already slightly sore today. Ha! I have a good vibe about this guy and this class. It definitely seems like it will be high energy, kick my butt.
My first class is this evening! He said I was free to go to any of the classes and didn't have to start out in the beginner class, which is good because the beginner classes really weren't working with my schedule right now. But, I am nervous about jumping in with people who know what they are doing. I think I'm more anxious than I want to admit because I did not sleep well at all last night. Funny how I can get so worked up over working out, but working out is a part of me and I just need a change to keep things interesting. So, this gym has one month to see if it can hold my attention! I already know it's going to have me on the floor in the first week.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
PRIDE Part One
We finally feel like we are 'in it' with this adoption process. After the cancellation last weekend, we finally began our PRIDE training classes this past Saturday. The class is three Saturdays, 9-5. So, we are a third of the way there.
There were only four of us couples in the class plus three current foster families who were there for their continuous training hours. Everyone was extremely nice, definitely a good group of people. I'll be honest though, I don't really feel like I got a whole lot out of it. Well, as far as material goes. I loved being able to hear REAL stories from the foster families and listen to their experiences. The material we covered I just felt like I've already learned in my reading or were things that I thought were (or should be) common knowledge. Plus, I sort of had to deal with several of these issues growing up with an alcoholic father, divorced family, etc. But, while we know these children are hurt and broken, we did several exercises that put us in their shoes which I think is important too. It definitely wasn't a waste of time, just wish there was more. And I'm hoping we will get to the more. Clint said, " I know these kids are going to be troubled and hurt, but I want to know what I can do to help them." That's exactly how I felt. But there again, that's our Engineer Fix-It personalities coming out.
We haven't heard anything yet about our formal application, but I think that is something we will know about soon, hopefully. I also need to start thinking about furnishing the baby's room! Our homestudy will be here before we know it and it's not going to look so good if all we have is a dresser, ha! Plus, the room needs a repaint because I think it is too dark for a baby. I'm thinking on some colors that can go for either a boy or girl. And in case I didn't mention it before, no, much to my mother-in-law's disdain, we are NOT specifying a sex. We wouldn't get to choose if we were to have a biological child so we aren't choosing here either. And not that MIL will be upset, but she is dying for a girl since she raised a bunch of boys and the first grandchild is a boy. I do have a color scheme in mind, but not sure at the moment.
So, that's a wrap on where we are currently. Seems like we have been asked a lot lately on where we are. Everyone wants to know how soon until a baby! We just don't know and we know it will take time so we aren't getting worked up over it. Like I've said, I would still like to complete this year of work, but we do know that daycare would be an okay option too until I can become a SAHM. They say licensing will take 4-6 months so it won't even be until sometime in the summer before we are eligible to be a foster/adopt family. Then there is the waiting for a child in need. Patience, patience :)
There were only four of us couples in the class plus three current foster families who were there for their continuous training hours. Everyone was extremely nice, definitely a good group of people. I'll be honest though, I don't really feel like I got a whole lot out of it. Well, as far as material goes. I loved being able to hear REAL stories from the foster families and listen to their experiences. The material we covered I just felt like I've already learned in my reading or were things that I thought were (or should be) common knowledge. Plus, I sort of had to deal with several of these issues growing up with an alcoholic father, divorced family, etc. But, while we know these children are hurt and broken, we did several exercises that put us in their shoes which I think is important too. It definitely wasn't a waste of time, just wish there was more. And I'm hoping we will get to the more. Clint said, " I know these kids are going to be troubled and hurt, but I want to know what I can do to help them." That's exactly how I felt. But there again, that's our Engineer Fix-It personalities coming out.
We haven't heard anything yet about our formal application, but I think that is something we will know about soon, hopefully. I also need to start thinking about furnishing the baby's room! Our homestudy will be here before we know it and it's not going to look so good if all we have is a dresser, ha! Plus, the room needs a repaint because I think it is too dark for a baby. I'm thinking on some colors that can go for either a boy or girl. And in case I didn't mention it before, no, much to my mother-in-law's disdain, we are NOT specifying a sex. We wouldn't get to choose if we were to have a biological child so we aren't choosing here either. And not that MIL will be upset, but she is dying for a girl since she raised a bunch of boys and the first grandchild is a boy. I do have a color scheme in mind, but not sure at the moment.
So, that's a wrap on where we are currently. Seems like we have been asked a lot lately on where we are. Everyone wants to know how soon until a baby! We just don't know and we know it will take time so we aren't getting worked up over it. Like I've said, I would still like to complete this year of work, but we do know that daycare would be an okay option too until I can become a SAHM. They say licensing will take 4-6 months so it won't even be until sometime in the summer before we are eligible to be a foster/adopt family. Then there is the waiting for a child in need. Patience, patience :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Oh my Precious Little Girls
That's what I call my mentee(s)...my little girls. I truly love these girls almost as if they were my own and still wish so much that I had more time with them. The past few days have been emotionally draining with these three. After my 'awakening' at our court house day with Leadership Longview, my emotions are just in over drive for them.
On Friday they had their Valentine's Day party. I was excited about being able to go up there and share in the festivities and hand out valentines. When I arrived the girls (and the rest of the class) were excited to see me. However, Miss A was not there. I assumed it was the typical 'out sick' excuse with her since she misses frequently. But their teacher informed me that she had been suspended for the day. Ugh! I hate to hear that. I spoke with her today during our normal visit time and she had gotten in to it with a boy. I tried to talk some reason in to her, but it wasn't happening. In fact, she got in trouble while I was there today. Sigh! I'm not giving up on her yet though.
Their teacher also informed me that Miss N's grandmother had a heart attack earlier in the week and she didn't expect her to make it much longer. My heart just sunk. Miss N lives with her grandmother because her parents aren't around. I asked what would happen to her if her grandmother passed on and she said she thought there was an uncle in the picture. Not really making me feel at ease because she needs a female in her life. Well, when visiting today I got the sad news that her grandmother passed away yesterday. Miss N was obviously sad, but not really wanting to talk much about it. I just tried to follow her lead, I didn't want her to talk if she didn't want to. She'd randomly pipe in with something as it would strike her, such as, "I just can't believe she's not here, " and "she didn't know who I was when we went to visit her." Poor thing! I am feeling more encouraged that there may be an aunt to go with that uncle though, so I'm praying that she has a good/safe place to stay.
Then there's Miss M. She's been back to being the better student that I know she can be. She's truly a sweetheart and wants to do good. I just love, love her gap-tooth smile :) Okay, so they all get me when they smile. Anyway, while I was at the party on Friday I heard over the intercom about students coming to the office to get their backpacks. I looked at their teacher with a confused look and she informed me that the program handed out backpacks on Fridays filled with food so that the kids would have food to eat over the weekend. Well, Miss M was one of the kids in the program. For some reason, it just hit me hard. She may not have food to eat? What other needs might not be met at home?? And deep down, I knew that this might be possible with these kids, but seeing her get that backpack just stunned me.
As usual, I am just filled with worry for these girls. I just want to scoop them up and put a protective shield around them. The best thing I know to do for them though, is pray. I was reminded that without me, they may not even be getting prayers. Wow! Makes me want to pray even more. I did discover that their teacher is a part of our church though. And I just know that she prays for these kids (the entire class) too.
On Friday they had their Valentine's Day party. I was excited about being able to go up there and share in the festivities and hand out valentines. When I arrived the girls (and the rest of the class) were excited to see me. However, Miss A was not there. I assumed it was the typical 'out sick' excuse with her since she misses frequently. But their teacher informed me that she had been suspended for the day. Ugh! I hate to hear that. I spoke with her today during our normal visit time and she had gotten in to it with a boy. I tried to talk some reason in to her, but it wasn't happening. In fact, she got in trouble while I was there today. Sigh! I'm not giving up on her yet though.
Their teacher also informed me that Miss N's grandmother had a heart attack earlier in the week and she didn't expect her to make it much longer. My heart just sunk. Miss N lives with her grandmother because her parents aren't around. I asked what would happen to her if her grandmother passed on and she said she thought there was an uncle in the picture. Not really making me feel at ease because she needs a female in her life. Well, when visiting today I got the sad news that her grandmother passed away yesterday. Miss N was obviously sad, but not really wanting to talk much about it. I just tried to follow her lead, I didn't want her to talk if she didn't want to. She'd randomly pipe in with something as it would strike her, such as, "I just can't believe she's not here, " and "she didn't know who I was when we went to visit her." Poor thing! I am feeling more encouraged that there may be an aunt to go with that uncle though, so I'm praying that she has a good/safe place to stay.
Then there's Miss M. She's been back to being the better student that I know she can be. She's truly a sweetheart and wants to do good. I just love, love her gap-tooth smile :) Okay, so they all get me when they smile. Anyway, while I was at the party on Friday I heard over the intercom about students coming to the office to get their backpacks. I looked at their teacher with a confused look and she informed me that the program handed out backpacks on Fridays filled with food so that the kids would have food to eat over the weekend. Well, Miss M was one of the kids in the program. For some reason, it just hit me hard. She may not have food to eat? What other needs might not be met at home?? And deep down, I knew that this might be possible with these kids, but seeing her get that backpack just stunned me.
As usual, I am just filled with worry for these girls. I just want to scoop them up and put a protective shield around them. The best thing I know to do for them though, is pray. I was reminded that without me, they may not even be getting prayers. Wow! Makes me want to pray even more. I did discover that their teacher is a part of our church though. And I just know that she prays for these kids (the entire class) too.
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